Embracing the Trails: My Transition from Military Life to Backpacking
BLUF: From the disciplined structure of military life to the liberating trails of backpacking, my journey has been one of transformation and healing. In the quiet calm of nature, I found my strength and my voice. Now, it's my turn to walk beside others on their path to healing and discovery.
In June of 1997, three days after my high school graduation, I left home on a journey that would shape the person I am today. I followed in my fathers (and grandfathers) footsteps and embraced my families long held tradition. Enlisting in the military at 17, I was overly eager to set out and forge my path in life.
Life had other plans.
My military career, was short, but filled with exploration. Korea was a quietly beautiful country, and I often explored the country side by train on my off days. Traveling by train reminded me of the years growing up in Europe and hopping from town to town to explore the castles and small festivals.
The days of sneaking off by train and seeing where the wind blew was abruptly halted in 2021. The loss of my family in a motor vehicle accident plunged me into a world of pain and loneliness.
My family had been close. My mother was my best friend and closest confident. My sister was a brat, but aren’t all? I couldn’t imagine a world without her in it. My brother was about to turn two. We were planning his birthday.
The world around me, and all the dreams I held so close, stopped frozen in time.
The mountains and forests became my sanctuary, teaching me that despite my pain, life endures. Each towering pine reaching for the heavens reminds us of those that have walked before. If you stand still, and let your mind get quiet - you can hear the echo’s of our ancestors and the drumming of their heartbeats.
I struggled with severe depression and later raising my son alone. This pain was channeled into becoming a critical care paramedic. I will never forget those nurses and first responders I met at the hospital. They did so much more than just treat my family. They comforted me in every way they new how. They pain they felt along with me was palpable. I knew that I wanted to continue their path. I wanted to be the person that stood at the edge of these incomprehensible moments of pain and offered peace.
Fifteen years of service, left its mark. The ongoing stress and trauma of caring for others in their darkest moments culminated in a battle with non-combat PTSD. I struggled with alcohol. I struggled with relationships. I struggled as a mother. I struggled.
In the midst of this turmoil, the wilderness called to me, offering a path to healing.
My first multi-night hike was with a veterans' group in the North Carolina mountains. It was a revelation. I had only day hiked and never stayed out and camped in the back country.
The first day was a steep climb. We arrived at our campsite late and hustled to set up our hammocks by moonlight. The wind was picking up and exhaustion beat at me. The heaviness in my legs a testament to the journey I had made. I was exhausted, but I felt alive. Every part of my body felt heavy. I was fully grounded and rooted in that moment. I was fully present and at peace.
Something I had not felt in so very long.
Despite being awoken in the middle of the night by a sharp crack and y body falling to the cold ground, I felt an overwhelming sense of coming home. Backpacking became more than just an activity; it was a return to life.
The military and my time as a firefighter had equipped me with practical skills - knot tying, fire starting, navigation, and the uncanny ability to sleep anywhere. But more importantly, they instilled in me resilience and a strength of heart, invaluable in the unpredictable world of backpacking.
Out there in the backwoods, amidst the pines, I found my true therapy. The rhythm of the forest resonated with my soul, helping me stay attuned to my emotional needs. Meditation and breathwork on the trails allowed for a deeper connection, releasing the emotional constraints that had bound me.
Backpacking, unlike the rigid discipline of the military, offered a different kind of focus. It is an opportunity to slow down, be present, and savor the journey. Setting intentional, lower mileage goals, I learned to appreciate the beauty and lessons of each step.
The more time I spend outdoors, the more at peace I feet within. It is as if the constricting band around my lungs loosens, allowing me to breathe deeply and freely. Backpacking taught me to embrace my emotions, to accept and express them without fear.
Backpacking is not a race. It's an experience to be savored. Be present, be intentional, and allow yourself to merge with the world around you.
I am channeling my experiences into a book aimed at inspiring women to venture from the kitchen to the trail. It's not just about backpacking food; it's about empowering others to embrace nature, DIY tips, and mindfulness practices. This is my way of giving back, of guiding others to find their peace in the embrace of nature.
